And so...It is my 13th year of first days of school. XY16 is starting his senior year of high school, and XX4 is starting her first year of pre-school. Yeah, planning ahead was never my strong point. So I take XY10 to his first day, because I didn't find out ahead of time who his teacher was. I have had a child in elementary school for thirteen years. At first I was one of the younger mothers, unsure of myself, and insecure in my role, as a 25 year old mother of a kindergartner. I thought there was some value to what people thought of me. I tried to fit in with the other mothers, and was mortified that I couldn't be one of the classroom helpers because I had a little one at home. I didn't have a sensible haircut, and I didn't have sensible shoes. I did not have my sea legs as a housewife yet. I tried to make friends with the right women. Ooohh, it irks me to think of it now. Yuck! What a different experience it was this year. As I looked at the PTA moms with the sensible haircuts and the comfortable shoes, I thought, "Thank God". Thank God I now know who I am. Thank God I appreciate the mother I am. Thank God I have latched on to my own value system, realized it works for me, and been faithful to it. I know that there are mothers who think if I am not volunteering to be the class mom, the team mom, the driver for every field trip, that I must not be a very involved mom. They are soooo wrong. I am very close to my kids, but my relationship with them is up for neither display, nor judgement. Damn! It feels great to say that!
1 comment:
Wow! I am only on year 7 of 1st days of school - only 15 years to go! I admit I still get sucked into the mother vs. mother judgement vortex occasionally. I think I judge myself more than other mothers actually judging me. I learned that neither is better. I am just a different mother - sometimes a very different mother, but not necessarily better or worse. It is nice when you get to a place where you are finally comfortable in your own skin. I get there but I don't always stay there. Good for you that you have arrived to stay.
On a side note: final decision - no job. Happy about it.
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