Interesting couple of days. It was my last night at work last night. (I work at a wine bar)I told my boss I was quitting, and gave her a month's notice. She said

"I have to talk to my husband about it." I never heard another word about it. I went into work last night, and a bunch of my friends came in to see me off. Near the end of the night, Stalina, (my boss), and her husband came in. They opened a bottle of champagne and a great! Shiraz. We then headed over to an Irish pub, where we kept drinking. I think someone put formaldehyde in my wine, because I got so sick. I think it was 7th or 8th glass that someone tampered with, because that was when I felt really sick. We came home and I snuck up stairs and made it to the toilet in the nick of time. I'll tell you what though, my commitment to vanity is absolute. I could not even stand up straight, but I washed and moisturized before bed. It was like a compulsion. I couldn't not do. I was so spinny that sleep was out of the question. Around 3am I couldn't fight it anymore and drifted off. Unfortunately, no-one told my xx4 that mommy was out tying on on last night, so she was in my room at 7:30am. Every sound she made sent daggers through my skull. I very, Very reluctantly got up and fixed her cereal. Greedy, Selfish child. After I fixed her breakfast, I had my breakfast. Coffee and 5 Motrin. After about an hour I came upstairs, intending to nap, but xx13 caught me and made me watch "The Descent", because nothing comforts a gut wrenching hangover like cave dwelling cannibals! Another greedy selfish child. Good movie though. It's xx13 and my second foreign horror movie in a week. We watched Night Watch from Russia a couple of days ago. I think the next time I have a hangover though, I'll just have chorizo burrito.

This is not a joke. And yet, I thought you may find it funny. Some day I will. These are e-mails back and forth between myself and a member of one of my writing groups.





A-

Please let me know if I can send you a revamped version of my story. If you would rather not I understand. but I found your critique very helpful.
Bethany







Bethany

I will be glad to critique anything you have, as I am trying to emulate your style. You are the absolute best wordsmith I have encountered.

A-





I laughed, and laughed. I was so pleased and embarassed. I was in the middle of another email so I did not send him this response:





A-

Hahahahah, Flattery will get you nowhere, or is it everywhere. Thank you

B-



I was going to attach the story I wanted him to critique, but before I could, I got this email.







Bethany
Yes I will be glad to critique your story. Yesterday, I critiqued for a Bethany in Germany and I thought it was her I was answering a few moments ago. I didn't see the "Rogers" until after I sent the E-mail.
A



Oh, It is truly wonderful to be me!

Writing 7/17/07


Oh man, my column is due in 3 days and I haven't even started. I'll write about something easy like "Serving Temperature". It'll probably take an hour and a half at the most.. I need to start my research. I better check my email first, just in case my editor wrote to me. She never has before, but who knows. Oh, Suzy sent me a forward. Those are usually funny. Okay enough of that, it's research time. Let me check the wine sites I like. But first, I better check TMZ to make sure no starlets were caught drunk driving. That has to do with my column. I mean my column is about wine,and you know, drunk driving, any way, I'll just check real quick. Oh there is a blog link on this wine website. She's from New Zealand. Does that count. I'll save it and read it later. Back on track. Research. What happens when white wine gets too warm? White wine,White wine. I wonder if we still have that Chardonnay? That sounds good. I'll go outside and have a glass of wine and that will inspire me to write my column. White wine and a cigarette. I'll have the wine first so I can taste it. I just need a little break to jump-start my brain. Ahh nice. As soon as I'm done I'll start on my column. It won't take long. I have some research done. Not exactly, but I've some pages saved in my favorites. Well one page.

I have wine books too, I can use books, I don't have to use the internet. Not that I don't have the discipline, of course I have the discipline. I just need to be diverse in my research. Oh, look, the complete works of Edgar Allen Poe. I should re-read "The Tell-Tale Heart". We were just talking about that story in writing group. I love that story. No! No! I don't have time to read it now. I'm writing my column.
This chair is uncomfortable. I'm going to take my research materials and my computer and get on my bed. That's better. Nice and comfy. Here comes oldest daughter. She wants to finish watching "The Haunting". She didn't want to watch it before because she wanted me in here while she watched it. That's fine. I can still work on my column with the TV on. Besides, I've already seen this. I hope she pays attention to the movie because some of these plastic surgery pictures are pretty gruesome. O my goodness! Jenna Jameson had Vaginoplasty? That is sooo gross!


"No, K, you can't talk to me, I'm working. this is very important. This is Mommy's job!" Jeez, the kid needs to show a little respect for what I do for a living. Not that I get paid to write the column, but still, it's the princple of it. This is exhausting. Writing really takes it out of me. I should have another glass of wine,... and some popcorn! Right after this part of the movie I'll go get them. I think this where the little ghost children play with Lily Taylors hair. No! I'm not watching this movie. I AM WORKING! You know what though? I am really too tired to do this tonight. I'll just do it tomorrow when I wake up. It'll take me an hour and a half at the most.

Pilates 7-13

Okay, I’m a little late, but there are still mats left. Wait, why does everyone have weights? That’s okay; I’ll just grab a mat and throw it down here, OOPS, oh Damn, that’s slippery. No one saw. Just be more careful. I should have brought my own mat. My mat is prettier than anyone else’s here. And bigger. I have the biggest mat. No problem. I’ll use this stanky old mat. I’m no snob. This is me caring about myself and my health; I’m not here to impress anyone. The instructor will probably be able to tell that I have been doing Pilates for Quite a while. Those DVDs from Costco have been very helpful. See, she looked right at me when she said “Beautiful form”. The girl next me is so young and thin and she had to quit ‘the hundred’ before I did. You just can’t tell how fit someone is by looking at them. Wow, I’m starving. I should have had more Teddy Grahams before I came to the Gym. A lot of women in here are wearing make-up. That’s so stupid. What are they here for? To pick up guys? They’re just gonna clog their pores. Oh, look how pretty that girl is. Maybe I should wear make-up. And stretch, down to the toes. OH GAH, Look at my Toes! I need a pedicure. EWWW. This is harder than I remember. I’m in the back. The teacher won’t even know if I just sit this out. We’re lying down anyway. Yeah, that’s much better. Man a cigarette would be great right now. I’ll have to pick some up on the way home. Look at the color up there. What is that? Chartreuse? I think so. What color is Puce? I can never remember. We are sitting up now. And….roll forward. Ugh, I can see that girls but crack. And hers. Oh my gosh, why did that one even bother wearing pants. Geez, if I’d wanted to be a proctologist, I would have gone to butt doctor school. Why did the teacher look at me when she said we can modify this pose if it is too hard? Does she think I can’t do it? If that old lady over there can do it, I can do it. It’s not like it’s a reflection on my character if I modify. Why can that old lady do this? Ow Ow, Ow! Stop looking at me. It’s my first time in this class, what do you want from me? Lying back again, very nice. I can see the TV from here. That is a cute outfit on that rapper. I love T-shirts over long sleeved blouses. Is that still in for women? How will I know what to wear now that Gilmore Girls isn’t on anymore? Ow, Ow, thighs burning, need to rest. The music is really quiet in here. What is that song? OhNO! Is that Dust in the wind? I’m going to be in a bad mood all day now. And knees to chest. That would be a lot easier if my stomach was not bigger than my chest. Rolling, ow, rolling ow. Class is almost over, and we haven’t gotten to the laying down relaxing part. There is no laying down relaxing part? I like my DVDs. They have a laying down part. That was great! I’m definitely taking this class again.

• I was born in November of 1968
• My mother killed her self 4 months after I was born
• I am the mother of 4 children, xy 16, xx 13, xy 10, xx 4
• I love my kids more than I thought possible (cliche, but true)
• My kids love me and like to spend time with me (no, seriously)
• I truly love and admire my husband
• I read a lot
• I write a column for a local newspaper
• I hope to have my fiction published
• I am a Christian
• My father remarried when I was 10, and I have 2 sisters and 4 brothers
• I love my father even though he is bi-polar and very difficult
• My life is complicated by the fact that I feel responsible for my sisters and brothers, and my husband and I are always trying to help, often not successfully
• My son is addicted to World of Warcraft and I hate it
• I like to sew but I'm not very good at it
• I love to cook, and I am good at that
• I am extremely inconsistent
• My friends are important to me
• I am close to my husband's family
• I spend too much time on the internet
• I watch too much TV

I went down to the city this weekend, with Roser (husband), his sister and her husband. (Friends with sister-in-law, friendly with s-i-l's husband) We went on a dinner cruise and then out dancing. The cruise was interesting. We had the cutest (personality and looks) waiter, but the food tasted like wedding food. That was not a huge problem, actually, because the moment the boat started moving, my stomach started flipping. It took 6 glasses of Champagne to feel normal, and by then I was too full for the extremely well cooked Snapper stuffed with crab, or, Krab. (not sure which)

Right next to our table was a young coulple celebrating their 1st anniversary. They had done some pre-partying and were lit by the time the cruise started. Apparently the four of us were irresistable to these two drunk kids. They latched onto us all night. When the wife started dirty-dancing with me, Roser had enough and scootcheded me right off the dance floor. We deboarded at around 10:30 and we were all still in the mood to party. S-i-L and I changed out of our fancy dresses, and she put on jeans and a shirt her boobs wouldn't flop out of, and I put on shorts and a strapless top. I made a concession to comfort by putting on Flip-flops instead of my nice strappy heels. That was a huge mistake. I was comfortable alright, but, the city is like shoes on parade. Every thing from slip-on stilletos accented with flowers to the most beautiful pointiest pumps imaginable. I stayed on the right side of obsessive jealousy until I saw a pair of purple patent leather platforms. Who has purple patent leather platforms? Not me, that's who. I feel powerful in heels, and the girl in the purple patent leather platforms was stealing my power! Even Roser commented.
"I can't believe with all the shoes in your closet you wore flip-flops out dancing." I can dance in heels, and walk in them. It wasn't worth the comfort to not feel like myself.
I still enjoy going dancing, but it's different than it was when I was younger. Then, I felt so free, and was able to surrender completely. While I was dancing nothing else existed. For those hours I was not thinking about anything. I don't think that's even possible anymore. Roser doesn't really enjoy dancing, so I am thinking about him, and whether he's enjoying himself. I still dance like a stripper, only now I am a little self-concious about it. I am a natural flirt, and I make an effort to tone that down. And there is also the fact that 75% of the people in the club are closer in age to my oldest son than to me. Once not long ago I was in a club with several of our friends. I was feeling so hip, (I know, use of that word by definition makes me not hip) because I knew all the songs that were being played. As I was sitting there swaying, and swinging my head to the music, it suddenly hit me, struck me so that I suddenly stopped moving as I realized, the reason I know all the songs is because it's the music my kids listen to! I suddenly was smacked in the face with the reality of my age. I am not 22. I am a middle-aged mother of four. Being young is not a state of mind, it is a fact of chronology. I think I'll start a support group for the chronologically challenged. We'll hold all our meetings in dance clubs.

I am coming off one of the busiest weeks I can remember. I just quit my job at a wine bar, but have not stopped going since the minute I gave my notice. My brother just got out of the army, my second child just turned 13, and I hosted 4th of July for my crazy family.( Dad, Brother, Sister-in-Law, Brother, Sister-in-Law, Baby, Brother, Brother, Sister.) I am about to watch "The Hitcher" with my husband and the Brother who got out of the Army. I am not doing it for them, they are doing it for me! I love really bad scary movies.

In perfect keeping with who I am, I have had this blog spot for I don't even know how long, and now finally I am posting. I am more committed to writing, now, since for the first time, someone is willing to pay me to write. I will not be writing fiction, which is what I love, but I will be writing, and people will be reading it, and that is pretty cool. I obssesively read about how other female authors mange to write and raise a family. I hope that reading about them will magically instill in me the motivation to spend more time writing and less time watching tv and on the computer reading TMZ. I am looking forward to getting this blog up and running. I would like to talk to other mothers who write, and who love their kids, and whose families drive them absolutely crazy.