I have been away. Not geographically, but mentally, spiritually, emotionally. I have been hidden away as God has changed me. As you know, if you follow this blog, Alex gave his heart to the Lord in early October. God had led Steve and me to a solid, bible teaching church, almost three years ago. From that time on, we were slowly making changes in our lives that were geared toward pleasing God and making Him central in our life and our family. God rewarded us beyond our wildest expectations. After Alex, and then Katie and David got saved, Steve and I got more serious about our faith.

Steve and I were both raised Catholic. I always felt Jesus' presence. As painful as my childhood was, Jesus was always there, offering comfort and a sense of purpose. I had an amazing Holy Spirit filled priest named Father White, but for the most part, it was Jesus Himself who evangelized me. When I was ready, around the age of ten or eleven, I read an account of the crucifixion, and I understood it was for me. My sin was what Jesus was whipped for. I wept, and vowed to live my life for Him. I tried as hard and as long as I could, but with no support, and no fellowship, it didn't last long. Jesus honored my commitment, even though I didn't. He stayed near.

I moved in with my real father, after never living with him, when I was 16. He was a born-again Christian , and had come to Vegas, (my hometown) to pastor a church. I prayed the sinner's prayer, not realizing I was re-committing my life to the Lord. During the time in my dad's church, I avidly studied the bible. I learned the importance of prayer and praise and worship. I understood basic, but very important foundations of Christian life, including putting God first, service to others, and the importance of striving to live a holy life. During that same time, I also got beaten occasionally, saw my step-mother beaten often, and my brothers beaten almost daily. I dealt with my dad's bi-polar disorder up close, and was betrayed by the people who should have helped us. After almost four years of this, I ended up spectacularly backslidden. I started relying on my own understanding. I had no respect for Christians in general. I was broken, and I was hurting.

Every where I lived, there were Christians, either next door, or across the street. At work, there were Christians; kind, gentle people, who cared about me and my family. God kept his hand on me in my rebellion. He stayed near. Shortly after David was born, in 1997, I went to a women's retreat. I promised Steve I would not come back one of those crazy Christians, I just needed to get my head straight about religion. I really believed that I could do that. I would go to an Evangelical Christian women's conference, and not come back changed. I had too much faith in my own will. God won again. God worked on Steve's heart too. Steve gave his heart to the Lord too. Like me, Steve grew up with faith. He always loved the Lord, but he made it official.

At that time, I was still carrying around a lot of hurt from the Christian life I learned about under my father's reign of terror. I was too scared to really give in to God. I had one foot firmly in the world, and one foot in a church where we were not able to grow as Christians. This set me up for the slow decline to living for myself and not Jesus. Whew...

Now, I am older. At the same time, seeing my son saved at around the same age I was has restored to me the joy of my salvation. The unbridled joy of salvation, hand in hand with the knowledge of what is really important in life has created something brand-new in me. I think I finally get it. I want to please God. His presence and grace have accompanied every step I have taken. I have a believing husband and believing children, in spite of my failures.

I am a new creation in Christ. I am the personification of Lamentations 3:22, 23.

Truly, God's Mercies are new every morning.