Is love passive?

1 Cor 13:4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy, love does not parade itself, it is not puffed up; 5) does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6) does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7) bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8a) Love never fails.

1 Cor 13:13 And now, abide faith, hope love, these three, but the greatest of these is love.

Most people know these verses. They are read at Christian and secular weddings alike. They are written on plaques, and stitched into pillows. Many can quote them, in part or in full. I wonder, though, if we really know what they means. Verses four through six are somewhat self-explanatory. It is verse seven that caught my attention today, particularly the latter part of verse 7 where it says “(love) endures all things.” I saw love as a small blond child patiently waiting out a rainstorm, completely inactive, but present. She was enduring the worst storms of life. My view of love was a thing, being acted upon by outside influences, but quietly withstanding, continuing to exist. Somehow, this morning, I saw it completely differently.

Love is an active participant of daily life. It is there, available for me as I go through my day. I thought about how hard it is for me to act lovingly sometimes, particularly while driving, or impatiently shopping, or when my kids dare to reveal their true nature, as sinners dependent on the grace of God. I realized that the enduring nature of love is an active endurance. I believe what that verse means is that the activity of love (long suffering, kindness, lack of envy, lack of pride, putting others first, all the things mentioned in the preceding verses) endures the daily difficulties of life, not just the storms. Love is not something that should only exist, quietly, deep within us, it is something that should be seen, its unselfish character unique in the trials it endures. This verse says if I have love, I can be patient when my kids talk back. If I have love, I do not have to envy, but I can be content, even happy for those who have been blessed more than I have. If I have love, it will be seen, it will be active, it will change the way I respond to life’s challenges. Where does love come from? 1 John 4:16 And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.

Christians, let’s love with a love that is visible to all. Let’s take God up on His promise that love will endure all, not just the great catastrophes, but the daily inconveniences.

Putting together the What to dos, with the How it's dones

I began a personal study for, at best, mixed motives. I ended a relationship with a family member who called himself a Christian. In my zeal to call him into account, I began studying the New Testament looking for what a Christian life looked like. I wanted to prove that this person was not a Christian. I was doing a good thing, studying the New Testament, for a bad reason, not my own sanctification, but to shine light on someone else’s sin.

God did a work in my heart. First, I started reading a book called “Because He Loves Me” by Elise Fitzpatrick. Second, He supernaturally took away my anger and thirst for vengeance, and replaced it with forgiveness. This completely changed my study of what a Christian life looks like. Now I realize that keeping God’s commandments is evidence of the Christian walk. It is not what we have to do to be saved, it is what we are empowered to do once we are saved.

The Scripture that started it all was 1Cor 15:50b “nor does corruption inherit incorruption."

I wondered if you could tell a Christian by their actions. I still do. I copied all the scriptures I saw that addressed, not a believer’s heart, but their behavior. I will try to bring in the surrounding scriptures so I can learn why and how a Christian behaves like a Christian.

My prayer is that God would apply this to my heart so I would know why I should live a Christian life, and where the power to do so comes from.

1Pet 2:24 (21-24) 21) For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps: 22 )Who committed no sin, nor was deceit found in His mouth, 23)who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously; 24)who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness- by whose stripes you were healed.

I think the above verses are the linchpin of what I am trying to learn. Verse 24 tells how we can follow the example of verses 22 and 23

This is the What to do:

Gal 5:19-24 19) Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20) idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, heresies, 21) envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like, of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

22)But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23) gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.

This is the How it's done:

Gal 5:24-26 24) And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25) If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. 26) Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

I think the above verse is saying that if we try to produce the fruit of the spirit by our own work, we will become conceited. The work of the flesh is “work” things we do. The fruit of the spirit is “fruit” something that spontaneously appears and grows.

I have a feeling that as I go through this very extensive study, I will find all the "hows" right along with the "whats".

Amazing Grace, again

I have been struggling with anger and unforgiveness for about three weeks. I recently ended a relationship with a closely related family member. This person was, at best a hindrance to my family, and at worst, potentially dangerous. I sent a letter explaining why I ended our relationship, sighting Corinthians 5:12 and Deuteronomy 19:19. I took about a week to write it, was careful to leave emotion out of it, and supported every word with scripture. I wrote a similar one to the family member’s spouse, and thought that would be the end of it.

It was only the beginning. I was enraged that there was no reaction. I quickly realized that part of my motivation in sending the letter was to cause hurt, embarrassment, or maybe anger in the one receiving it. This person, who caused so much pain to so many people, was getting off scot-free again! I was angry every single day. It didn’t matter how illogical it was. There was nothing anyone could tell me that would help. The anger and desire to inflict pain was affecting me physically. My stomach was hurting, and I was tense and irritable with my own family. I took to writing down bible verses that I felt applied to this person. I thought maybe another letter was due. I was going to make this person see himself the way I, and I was sure, God, saw him. I tried to find reasons not to forgive. “The bible says to forgive our brothers, this person only claims to be, and besides, they’ve never repented,” was what I told myself. I couldn’t imagine that I would ever be able to forgive. Yet I knew, that in order for God to forgive my many sins against Him, I would have to forgive this person’s sins against me. But I couldn’t do it.

Until yesterday. While I was doing a study for a completely different reason I came across the following scriptures.

Romans 12:14 Bless those who persecute you and do not curse. 17) Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. 19) Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath, for it is written, Vengeance is Mine, I will repay says the Lord. 21) Do not be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good.

With those verses, and His gentle persistent love, God loosened my childish fingers that were tightly clenching rocks to hurl. The resentment and poison that had been my hidden companions for years, and obvious companions for weeks, vanished.

God knows what was done. Every secret thing will be brought to light. More importantly, I too have hurt people. I do not want to be repaid for the cruel remarks I have made, or the selfish acts of unkindness I have committed.

I truly forgive this person. When his sins against me are measured against my sins against God, there is no comparison. I also have some repenting to do to the people I have hurt.

I am so grateful to God for doing what I could not do, freeing my heart of the shackles of anger and unforgiveness.

It was an act of pure grace that set me free, again.

...and to my amazing husband.

Dear Steve,

How do I even begin to express who you are and what you mean to me? I was not me without you.

You are reserved, cautious, and thoughtful. You seldom make rash decisions, and you always count the cost. This is the perfect foil for my forwardness and impetuousness.

You are stable and constant, as you promised you would be. You have given me a target to land on whenever my flightiness overtakes me.

You believe in me, in my ability, and in my character. You have always believed more in my talent than I did. Because of your belief in me, I can be creative.

You have amazing self-discipline and self-control. You know right from wrong. You live life and make decisions according to your conscience rather than your feelings. Because of your self-control, I have learned its importance. You have a black and white worldview and this comforts me because I can be overwhelmed by shades of gray.

Your protectiveness has enabled me to fight for what is right, and then retreat behind you because I know you will finish the fight with me.

Your love helps me be a good wife. I am safe with you, like I have never been safe before. I know that you belong to me, and that you always will. Because of your example, I am a better person. You have always expected more of me than I expect of myself. From the first day we met, you have seen me for who I could be. I want to be who you think I can be.

Because of your gentleness, I am a good mother. You were so patient and insistent on our children being raised in a peaceful loving home. Because of your active involvement, they have been. Our children exhibit your characteristics every day, and every time I see them acting like you, I am grateful. The kids are quick to love, quick to forgive, and have high expectations for their own behavior. Because of you, we have a close, open, loving family. This happened because you did not let me raise them in the way that came naturally to me, but in the way that was right.

In addition to all of this, I just simply love you. You are fun, funny, and passionate. When I hear something funny or sad, I want to tell you. When you are gone, I want you home. When I am away from you, I want to be with you. The best parts of my day are the parts spent with you. I still look forward to being with you the way a girl in high-school looks forward to being with her boyfriend. When I think of you, I smile, like I am right now. I really think you are the most amazing man I have ever met, and I am still shaking my head in disbelief that you belong to me.

I look at my life and see the times that God’s grace was poured out. All throughout my childhood, God’s love and grace were there, comforting and protecting me. All of the love I missed as a child and more is mine as your wife. You are truly one of God’s greatest gifts to me. The best I can do, since a gift is not something that can be earned, is to try everyday, to be worthy of you, and the One who gave you to me.

I love you,

Bethany

To My Amazing Inlaws

June 3, 2010

Dear Nonnie and Poppie,

I am writing this letter to express my gratitude for what you have done, and who you have been to me.

It is impossible, on Steve’s birthday, not to think of you both. You contributed so much more than DNA to my husband.

Nonnie,

From you he received a kind heart, loyal to family above all. You passed on your tenderness, sweetness, and humility. From you, Steve learned how fragile and precious a child’s heart is; that it must be protected, nurtured, and guarded. He learned the importance of hugs, kisses, and saying “I love you.” He learned that the people you love will make mistakes, and you must forgive them. You taught him that God is his Creator, and that God is Love. You taught Steve respect and reverence for God, and love for Jesus. Because of this, he carefully weighs his decisions, and lives like there is something more than just this life.

Steve has always felt loved by you. He has always known that you think he is amazing man. Because of your belief in him, he is always striving to be the man you see when you look at him.

Poppie,

You taught my husband how to be a man, never a boy, (except sometimes for his sense of humor, in that, Steve is about 12 years old!) Steve takes responsibility for his family, his career, and his life. He never makes excuses, and he never accepts less than “110%” from himself. He expects less of others and more of himself. He is fiercely protective of the kids and me. He is brave, dedicated, and selfless, just like you. I knew, years ago, that if Steve turned out like you I would be a very lucky woman, and that my children would be lucky too. Well, he is more like you every day. Sweet, funny, occasionally stubborn, but truly the best husband and father any family could ask for.

The two of you together created a home and a family that was a safe and loving place for my husband to grow up in. You taught him the importance of hospitality and generosity. You raised, with your patience, approval, and occasional disapproval, a man that I pray my sons become like. You have given me more than I ever hoped for when you raised Steve the way you did. I have a husband who is kind, loyal, appreciative, and loving, just like his parents.

Today, on Steve’s birthday, I thank you both, from the bottom of my heart. I hope that I can do half as good of a job with your grandkids as you have done. This letter barely expresses how I feel about you both. To truly say how I feel would take pages and pages.

I love you,

Your Daughter,

Bethany

Hello again...

I am "micro-blogging" on Facebook, and writing for a living. I am, as you can tell, not blogging. Since I was last here, I began working for farmers as the marketing director for a small CSA. CSA stands for Consumer Supported Agriculture. I love feeling like I am doing something good. God is speaking to me about how a Christian should act, and I am searching that out in the word. I am curious and excited about what God will be doing in my life, and my families life in the second half of the year.

I am also trying to win a set of books for the summer as part of a contest called Covenant of Love

Those of you who know me are no doubt thinking that the last thing I need is more books. Just the same, I would like to win them.

I found the contest when I discovered a very interesting sounding book called "Imaginary Jesus". It led to this great blog, and contest. I am always happy to see what others are talking about.

School year part 2

Whew! The kids are back in school. Another opportunity for me to make a completely different set of resolutions.

1. I will use my Crock-Pot more often.

2. I will sit at the table with my kids while they do their homework.

3. They will always have clean uniforms and socks. The socks will be folded in their drawers, not in the "sock basket" in my room.

4. I will expect more of my kids around the house.

I am very happy with some of the changes I have made this year. I am up before the kids, instead of at the same time as them. They get a hot breakfast more often than not. And, umm, let's see, actually, that's pretty much it.

I enjoy the rhythm of having school age children. It forces the day into a schedule. The days and weeks matter. I have an endless supply of rotating, seasonal artwork for my cupboard door. I am energized by being around my 15 year old's friends. Also, I listen to much better music than I would without my kids.

Then and Now

I am watching Fame with Katie, the original, not the new, "High School Musical 4" one. It is a little rough, but I love it. Irene Cara just sang "Out Here on my Own". When I first saw this movie, back when I was about 12 or 13, that song meant so much to me. I loved the idea of being tough, of depending on someone else being a choice, not a given. Now that I am 41, I think taking pride in being strong is definitely for young women. I am not strong. I am completely dependent on the people around me. I can't even find the appeal of that song anymore, except for Irene Cara's amazing voice. I was tough, when I was a single mom, when I was trying to be a mom to young children. I was tough when I was trying to work out my relationship with extended family. I was tough when I was trying to figure out what was important in friendships, and coming to terms with my career. I don't care anymore about being tough. At the same time, I want my daughters to be tough. Just not too tough, and not for too long. I hope when they are 41, that tears spring easily to their eyes. I hope they can ask for help, and that they can depend on their husbands, but before that, I hope they are, at least a little tough.

Here's to doing things differently

New Year's Day is here. As you may know, my New Year's resolution is to stop complaining. I won't cheat and complain in this blog. I won't find creative ways to tell you things, "just stating facts" but really, complaining. I am an inveterate complainer. I am going to change the way I think. I have a feeling I am going to be a little Pollyanna. The only way I know, right now, to change the way I communicate, is to look on the bright side. My other option is to not talk (or write) about things at all. Consistency is not one of my strong points, so making it a year will be an incredible victory.