Reflections on a dry year

We have had some rough years recently. In fact, I would venture to say, we have only had rough years since about 2006. Honestly, I only thought some of them were rough because I had no idea what was coming. All the pain and disappointment culminated in 2015 being the most bratty self-indulgent, pouty year I can remember. My spiritual disciplines were non-existent, I ate, drank and smoked as much as I wanted to. I had very little to offer anyone around me, mired as I was in my own whiny wound-licking.

Toward the end of the year, I was certain I didn't want another year like that, so I decided to start 2016 off with a 40 day Daniel Fast, and I committed in advance to observing Lent. 

As I talked these things over with my mentor, something amazing occurred to me. Not once, from my couch of perpetual indulgence, did I question God's love, His nearness, or His blessing. I never felt He was disappointed in me. I felt Him near, I heard His voice, I received His blessing. 

I may finally get it, that it is not about me and what I have done, but about Christ in me, and me in Christ. 

So now,  as I enter 2016, the spiritual disciplines are being seen in a completely different light. They are not about making God happy, they are about making me able to carry out the mission I've been given. The mission that is unique to me, as is every Christian's mission. God put people in my life, in my circle, to love and to serve. He made my heart cry out for specific things, gave me a desire to end specific suffering. He put me in a specific industry to work in a way that brings glory to Him. I can do some of these things if I am strong, healthy and whole. 

My love for God, and my awe of His goodness and mercy drives me to do things differently this year. 

I am amazed that He has once again taken my failure and turned it into something useful and beautiful. I want the people around me to know that God.