I have been struggling with anger and unforgiveness for about three weeks. I recently ended a relationship with a closely related family member. This person was, at best a hindrance to my family, and at worst, potentially dangerous. I sent a letter explaining why I ended our relationship, sighting Corinthians 5:12 and Deuteronomy 19:19. I took about a week to write it, was careful to leave emotion out of it, and supported every word with scripture. I wrote a similar one to the family member’s spouse, and thought that would be the end of it.
It was only the beginning. I was enraged that there was no reaction. I quickly realized that part of my motivation in sending the letter was to cause hurt, embarrassment, or maybe anger in the one receiving it. This person, who caused so much pain to so many people, was getting off scot-free again! I was angry every single day. It didn’t matter how illogical it was. There was nothing anyone could tell me that would help. The anger and desire to inflict pain was affecting me physically. My stomach was hurting, and I was tense and irritable with my own family. I took to writing down bible verses that I felt applied to this person. I thought maybe another letter was due. I was going to make this person see himself the way I, and I was sure, God, saw him. I tried to find reasons not to forgive. “The bible says to forgive our brothers, this person only claims to be, and besides, they’ve never repented,” was what I told myself. I couldn’t imagine that I would ever be able to forgive. Yet I knew, that in order for God to forgive my many sins against Him, I would have to forgive this person’s sins against me. But I couldn’t do it.
Until yesterday. While I was doing a study for a completely different reason I came across the following scriptures.
Romans 12:14 Bless those who persecute you and do not curse. 17) Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. 19) Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath, for it is written, Vengeance is Mine, I will repay says the Lord. 21) Do not be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good.
With those verses, and His gentle persistent love, God loosened my childish fingers that were tightly clenching rocks to hurl. The resentment and poison that had been my hidden companions for years, and obvious companions for weeks, vanished.
God knows what was done. Every secret thing will be brought to light. More importantly, I too have hurt people. I do not want to be repaid for the cruel remarks I have made, or the selfish acts of unkindness I have committed.
I truly forgive this person. When his sins against me are measured against my sins against God, there is no comparison. I also have some repenting to do to the people I have hurt.
I am so grateful to God for doing what I could not do, freeing my heart of the shackles of anger and unforgiveness.
It was an act of pure grace that set me free, again.
3 comments:
Bethany, you overwhelm me with a crazy combination of hope and delight! I love how you manage to challenge the 'Christian' stereotype while being one of the most Christ-like people I know. You wear your faith well everyday, not just Sunday. It lifts you and everyone in your vicinity. I always look forward to your sharp humor and unique perspective.
Stephanie, I don't even know what to say. That is without a doubt one of the kindest things anyone has ever said to me. Thank you so much. I always question whether my life is representative enough of Jesus. Thanks for saying it is.
Awesome. Very encouraging. Thank you for sharing.
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